Many of us feel ashamed from feeling depressed and anxious because we’re afraid that there’s something wrong with us since we are not “normal” like everyone else. We think that having negative emotions is a sign of weakness because society tells us we must put on the perfection face at all times or else, we won’t be accepted and we won’t fit in.
The moment we discover that we have depression is probably a moment of shame for many of us, especially if we’re success driven. Almost everyone I know had been through different levels of depression or even anxiety. I myself had been through it along with nervous breakdowns.
Unfortunately, the fear of not fitting in what society thinks is normal, drive so many to take medications. Psychiatrists give medications like candy and they think that the pill has the answer for the chemical imbalance and many other issues.
It is true, that for some people, SSRI are required but that doesn’t mean that everyone who feels a bit depressed, sad or anxious must take medications to heal. Medications numb our emotions but do not solve the problems.
Have you ever thought that depression may actually be a gift to you? Have you ever thought that your anxiety or panic attacks are trying to tell you something?
Based on ACIM, there’s only one problem and one solution to everything. The only problem we have in the world is our separation from God. The only solution is to reconnect and be part of God.
I remember I talked to a psychiatrist and after few minutes of chatting with her about what was going on with me, she said that I must take SSRI. My therapist at the time, thought the same thing but thankfully the support of my amazing husband, family and many of my wonderful healers friends helped me trust trust my gut feeling more than trusting these professionals; and I’m so glad I did that because my nervous breakdown and depression were one of the biggest miracles and gifts I had in my life.
I didn’t know the gift that I was receiving at the time because it was my first time hitting rock bottom. Experiencing my nervous breakdown was extremely scary. I felt a dark vortex in the middle of my crown, sucking me in over and over again. Yet, in the middle of the storm, I felt calmness.
It is very hard to explain this but I felt as if a divine power was watching over me. I noticed two clear voices inside my head. One voice was bullying me and calling me bad names, the other voice was speaking softly to me and telling me that I was a gift.
At that point, you can imagine how I felt. I thought that I was going crazy because I didn’t know what these voices were. I had been meditating for 8 years, watching my thoughts and such but I was never able to distinguish between these voices so clearly and easily.
I realized how the voice that bullied me was fighting so hard to be seen, to be heard yet the other voice was so calm, so grounded and serene. I remember telling myself that day: “I had been disconnected from God! This is the result of being so disconnected from God!”.
Before my nervous breakdown, I had no idea that I was disconnected from God. I was doing my spiritual practice on and off but my faith was so weak and frail. I refused to see how much I feared God and how much I feared the world. I was so focused on fixing myself instead of seeing myself in the image of God. I felt so much like I had to fight the whole world to succeed in my relationships, in my career, in my friendships and in everything that I desired in my life. I was convincing myself that I was worthy and I can do it but I barely ever felt it.
The good thing is that we can only go up after hitting rock bottom.
As I began studying a Course in Miracles, I understood the voice inside my head so much more:
The voice that was calling me a failure was the voice of devil or ego. The ego is the loudest and harshest voice that does not want anyone to be happy, to be relaxed, to enjoy life, to be in touch with God. It is the voice of guilt that judges, criticizes, compares, blames and hurts. The ego’s job is to make sure that you believe everything he says so that you don’t get in touch with the Love of God that is within you. He does not want you to experience your higher Self because if it happens that you do, then he’ll die, he’ll be out of job.
The other voice that was calling me a gift, was the voice of my inner teacher, my intuition, the voice of God. He is the voice that is directly connected to God, to unconditional love, wisdom, forgiveness, peace, joy, creativity and unlimited potential. The voice of God is one with God and everyone and everything else. It does not suffer because it knows that the body is just like a piece of clothes and the only thing that matters is the Self, that is connected to God.
Just like me and everyone else, you also have these voices inside your mind. Becoming aware of these voices are the biggest gifts you could ever give yourself because since we’re ego driven, we have been trained to listen to the loudest voice of the ego who seeks perfection in the body but not in the spirit. By, realizing the other voice, the voice that is connected to your soul, you’ll slowly shift from listening to the ego…… to listening to what really matters, your Self (voice of God within you).
When we’re going through depression, we think that we’re alone in this. We think that we’re unworthy of love from others because there’s something wrong with us. But, what if your depression was the biggest gift you’re receiving?What if even prophets, saints and spiritual leaders had also been through what you had been through? Those people learned from their suffering and they chose the voice of God instead of the voice of the devil.
Mother Theresa went through depression. She even had doubts about her relationship with God and then right afterwards she began her journey to help the poor. Buddha went through depression when he left his father’s home and experienced suffering for the first time. Jesus went through the battle of good and evil when he was at the desert.
So, what if your depression had a message for you?
And that message was to come back home to your Self (God). What if your depression was telling you that you’ve gone wrong in your thinking about yourself and now it’s time to come back to Spiritual Love and not the love that the body defines? What if your depression was asking you to re-evaluate your life? What if your depression was telling you that it’s time to re-create your beliefs about God, love, career and everything in the world? What if your depression was telling that it’s time to shift from being a victim of the world you see, to believing that the world and GOD are by your side.
ACIM says: “There are no neutral thoughts”. Every thought we think has power. Your negative thoughts have brought you here and your loving thoughts will bring your loving experiences.
You depression is your gift to yourself. Listen to what it has to say to you. Inquire about who is behind the “I” who is speaking in every single moment. Is it the “I” from God or the “I” from the ego/devil? Who do you want to believe: Love or Fear?
Few tips that will help you with depression:
- See an integrative doctor. Ask them to check your genetics, leaky gut syndrome, iron, magnesium, your vitamin B and D absorption.
- Research a new spiritual path and practice for yourself. Practice it every single morning and throughout the day.
- Meditate. If you don’t have time to meditate then meditate even more, even it was for 5 minutes every day.
- Join a support group. This will change your life!
- Begin your list of forgiveness. Practice forgiveness every single day even towards people you barely feel angry with. Anger replaces Love and you want to create a new space for love. Your willingness to forgive will change every aspect of your life!
- Ask help from others including life coach, therapist, counselors and so on. Before you commit to any professional services, I would highly recommend that you ask them if they had been through depression and how they worked through it.
Remember that there are opposites to everything. You can’t experience joy, if you don’t experience suffering. If you have hard time trusting that you’ll work through this, then find people who had been through it (including myself) and know that if they had done it, then you can do it too.
You have a gift. Just like everyone else’s. You are special. Just like everyone else’s. You have the voice of God within you, just like everyone else’s.
Listen to the message! Use your gift, don’t keep it asleep!