Category Archives: Misc

Awakening

I was dreaming for so long, for my soul to shine.

Everyone questioned my dreams and

told me to be real.

 

Through pushing and fighting,

my soul got exhausted and

my heart told me that he’s disappointed.

 

But deep down, I knew I’d make it through the battle between

the darkness of desire and the light of love and acceptance.

I knew that my soul will be touched by a new light of awakening

flying from the heaven’s of God.

 

And as this war is coming to an end,

I am learning that there’s no need to desire, want and seek.

God is already showering me with all the light that I am and

everything that I need.

 

I now see the light burning away my human greed

and the voice of God whispering:

“Stop, you already exist!

Surrender to what is, this is where your truth subsists!”

 

There’s no need to seek happiness,

there’s no reason to fix and escape what I feel

nor surrender to the empty voices inside of my head.

 

I now see the light burning away my human greed and the light and the voice of God awakening in my heart…

 

 

 

 

 

Is it normal to experience these emotions? (exercise included)

I slowly exited the parking lot of the company that I was part of twenty minutes ago. I rolled the windows down and drove to Caribou, a coffee shop I used to often visit during my lunch breaks. I took a deep breath and felt the air blowing inside my hair, caressing my neck, my shoulders and my face. Part of me experienced the lightness and spaciousness inside my chest, inside my heart. I was free. I didn’t have to be a robot anymore. I didn’t have to follow orders from people I don’t look up to. The other part felt confused. I had shining raindrops holding on so tight in my eyes. I wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy or sadness. What am I supposed to  feel now? Am I sad? Am I happy? Why do I feel free? Is this normal? – I asked myself.

 

“Can I have a small non fat latte?” I asked the person behind the counter. It was still very early in the day around 11:00 am, my husband was at work and I had no idea how to spend the rest of my day. I was in shock of what happened yet I wanted to enjoy doing nothing and reflect on what to do next in my life. I looked at the cashier’s eyes while I was giving her my credit card to pay for the coffee. I wondered if she knew that I was let go. I felt that everyone in the coffee shop knew what happened few minutes ago. I felt naked and deep inside I Continue Reading

How I got laid off

“I have some bad news for you” my boss Jim said to me at 10:00 AM on a Monday morning. He looked everywhere in the room except for my eyes. He was agitated, uncomfortable in his seat, constantly moving around as if he was unable to settle down. He was in a rush to finish his job. He wanted to escape from the guilt he was feeling in that moment.

“I’m getting laid off” I said to him with a smile on my face yet my hands were sweating and my heart was beating fast. I was facing rejection.

My lay off was not alarming news for me. I predicted this manifestation few weeks prior to its occurrence when I was in my honeymoon in the Maldives: “I feel something is going to shift in my career when I get back home, I think I’m going to be laid off” I said to my husband Charlie while we were sitting outside of our bungalow, contemplating the exquisite crystal clear water in the middle of the silent Indian ocean.

Maldives

My boss was shocked to hear that I had packed my belongings prior to our meeting. I looked as if I couldn’t wait to get out of this miserable place. I picked up my box from my desk and one of my co-workers Adreana accompanied me to my car. She was saddened to see me let go yet my heart was shouting “FREEEEDOMMMM”. I was walking towards the parking lot with a big box in my hands. I felt the power of the earth underneath my feet, as if time paused every single time I took a step forward. I stopped to say goodbye to another co-worker. I was few feet outside of the main entrance when I suddenly felt the urge to turn my gaze to the right side to glance at the red building for one last time. I saw Jim, my boss smoking a cigarette by the big glass door. He saw me chatting with co-workers, telling them about what just happened. He turned his gaze down towards the floor the moment I laid my eyes at him as if he wanted the earth to squeeze him out of this scene.

I opened the trunk of my car and dropped my books, pens, cow mug and the rock engraved with the word “dream” that I had placed on the shelf behind my desk. I hugged my friend Adreana Good bye. I sat in the car with my sweaty hands touching the stirring wheel. I had no idea what to do next. Continue Reading

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