This is a dialogue between myself and my inner friend taken from my journal. I highly recommend that you would do the same Q&A process after a meditation. This is something I learned from my mentorship program with Neale Donald Walsh author of Conversations with God Series. You can also buy his CWG meditation here.
C: How can I stop being scared of being hurt by God (life)? I’m afraid of being in pain and I am always afraid that something bad is going to happen.
My friend: Why would God not love you unconditionally? Why would God want to punish your mistakes? Is this how you see love? Do you see love as give and take and therefore you have the constant fear that if you don’t give, God is going to take something away from you? Something you really love? Is this why you still don’t believe that the Infinite Intelligence of the world loves you unconditionally and needs nothing from you in return?
You fear that I’m going to be taking something you love away from you, yet haven’t I always taken what needs to be taken so that you could grow and be the next best thing you desire to be and the next best move for you to do?
Your fear of not being good enough comes from the way you perceived the world as a child from the times your parents were upset about something or they were critical about something too. You felt that you were responsible to fix the situation and when you failed to do so, you embraced the belief that “I don’t deserve to be happy, I should be punished for making my parents upset”.
You tried to please and please others but when you failed (because no one could succeed in this matter), you took the blame for something that was not even related to you and you were not responsible for. You wanted to be perfect. Yet, when did I ever say to you that I want you to please me? Why would I need you to do this for me, to complete me when I am already complete?
I am not like your father or mother on earth or any religion. They learned like everyone else to put conditions for love. That was part of their survival. Yet, I tell you that I don’t need anything in return from you to love you. I just love you. I am your father, your mother, your child, your friend, your brother and your sister. I am everything and everyone that you see and everything that you feel.
C: I understand that, but how can I trust that you don’t want to hurt me?
My friend: You don’t have to trust in anything at all. You can just look around you and ask yourself: is what am fearing true? Is God really that mean? Do I think that God wants to punish me because this is what I do to others when they do mistakes or when they hurt me? Such as, I become resentful and distant? If your answer to this is yes, then this is why you see me as someone who punishes but you think I am in image instead of seeing it the other way around.
So, what if you could stop punishing others? You will find out that you will be able to stop punishing yourself too. You are associating pain and death with punishment. But look at a tomato plant. Is God punishing the plant when it dies? Is it because it deserves to die, is it why it dies? The tomato plant is simply being a plant that gives fruit and feed others. Why would God punish it and kill it for example if it got a disease?
C: Is it because its role has ended?
My friend: It is because it is ready to do the next best thing. It is ready to be somewhere else (thus we have wild tomatoes growing in different gardens) and to give its fruit to someone else.
C: So are you saying that I’m like a tomato plant – when something like death or a painful situation happens, that’s because I’m ready for the next best thing for me?
My friend: Yes!
C: How do I know that this is true?
My friend: Your soul knows, your conscious does not have to know. You don’t have to trust either right now, just observe around you and you will understand.
C: Going back to being punished. You are saying that I’m never to be punished for anything. What about the pain that we feel when we lose something or someone we love. What about the pain of our past?
My friend: The pain that you experience is the pain of losing your attachment towards that someone or that something. It is the pain of losing what you thought is serving you or what you thought you needed but in reality you actually don’t. This is the pain that is showing you your addictions. Addictions are simply when we require things for us to be happy.
C: How do I deal with addictions – like being addicted to a specific emotion for example. Sometimes, I fear that I inflict pain upon myself subconsciously or consciously in order for me to protect myself from future pain. Even though this is not rational, I do it to punish myself.
My friend: Know that your pain is a transition to your next best thing. Next joyful and fun thing that you are going to explore and experience. Addictions are healed with love. You don’t have or need to trust in me – just again, observe your past – haven’t every painful experience served you or benefited you for something? Didn’t I help you be a better person which simply means, becoming your bigger expression?
My friend: Didn’t you do that without trusting me? You had a lot of anger towards me even though you claimed the opposite. You were scared of me. You thought and felt that I was going to hurt you. But…I never left you because I am and will always be with you. So, imagine what would it be like to trust me? Even though, you don’t have to because I’m always supporting you and holding you. You are addicted to pain because you believe that by hurting yourself you will be closer to me, it’s like you test my presence too. Yet, look around you – I’m in everything and everyone. I am within you – listen to your heart beat. That’s me talking to you in every second. You don’t need to hurt yourself to be saint or a martyr or to prove yourself to me because I am in you and with you. Therefore, what would your like look like if you stop believing that hurting yourself or punishing yourself is your gateway to God or heaven? What if you start believing that “I AM” where ever “YOU ARE”?
C: I’m still terrified of pain!
My friend: Your pain is a thought. Change it. You have to pick a banana to eat it and you do so for your survival and because it tastes good. The same thing is applied for everything in life. In order for life to sustain itself, things need to change and die yet they don’t really actually die. They transition into something or someone else. The process of pain is from your own invention. Everything happens for you (And everything else) to be and do the next best thing. If you trusted, that you will be getting the next best thing, wouldn’t you be okay with enduring a little bit of transitional pain?
You have a choice to change your perception about your pain. Knowing that pain is not going to last forever. Pain is a transition. Pain is shedding what you don’t need. Pain is stopping your addiction. When you change your thoughts about it, your feelings about it will change too.
I never punish you because I love you. I help you create what you want to create so that you can be your next best thing.