Category Archives: Commitment

“STOP THIS S&^T” Mantra….

 

  1. Every time you say S&^T about yourself to yourself, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  2. Every time you seek approval from others, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  3. Every time you push people away because you’re afraid of being hurt, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  4. Every time you fear being rejected, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  5. Every time the fear of abandonment kicks in, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  6. Every time you blame your past experiences for what’s happening in the “now”, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  7. Every time you stop yourself from loving more, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  8. Every time you distract yourself from “feeling”, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  9. Every time you surrender to your thoughts, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  10. Every time you reject help, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  11. Every time you compare yourself to others, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  12. Every time you criticize yourself when you look in the mirror, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  13. Every time you say to yourself that you can’t do something, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  14. Every time you doubt deserving the best love, the best relationship, the best partner for you, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  15. Every time you stop yourself from giving, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  16. Every time you think there’s something wrong with you, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  17. Every time you compete with others so that you can feel more significant, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  18. Every time you say NO to life, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  19. Every time you complain about what you don’t have, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  20. Every time you desire to be someone else or have someone else’s life, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  21. Every time you criticize someone you love, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  22. Every time you decide to give up rather than stand up, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  23. Every time you feel scared to open your heart and share your fears, feelings and needs with others, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  24. Every time you reject any form of abundance, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  25. Every time you feel that nothing is ever going to be enough, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  26. Every time you believe what people think or say about you, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  27. Every time you doubt God, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  28. Every time you blame your partner or your parents for your heartbreak, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  29. Every time you stop yourself from BEING who you are and who you want to be, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  30. Every time you value your worth based on your social status or your title, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  31. Every time you judge yourself based on the money you have, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  32. Every time you think you are worth what people think of you or what you own and what you have achieved, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  33. Every time you’re a follower and not a leader of your own life, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  34. Every time you think “I can’t”, say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  35. Every time you want something to happen the way you want it and how you want it; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  36. Every time you choose “comfort” over “growth”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  37. Every time you think “nothing is happening”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  38. Every time you measure yourself based on what people MAY think of you; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  39. Every time you judge and criticize others especially those you love most; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  40. Every time you feel stuck in a past experience; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  41. Every time you talk negatively about yourself in front of others; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  42. Every time you reject speaking your TRUTH; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  43. Every time you worry about what MAY go wrong; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  44. Every time you feel you’re not as credible or as good as others; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  45. Every time you think “I don’t know how to”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  46. Every time you choose to walk away from someone you love because it’s easier; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  47. Every time you seek to feel love through the eyes of others; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  48. Every time you think “I’m not significant enough”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  49. Every time you feel “unloved”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  50. Every time you seek “perfection”; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  51. Every time you look for worthiness outside of yourself; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  52. Every time you fear being useless or not capable of something; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  53. Every time you feel alone without any support; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  54. Every time you fear being in pain; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  55. Every time you think you have to be in control or others may control you; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  56. Every time you’re a people pleaser because you want to avoid conflict or separation; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  57. Every time you avoid facing your challenges; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  58. Every time you don’t trust; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  59. Every time you seek people’s attention; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!
  60. Every time your happiness depends on others; say to yourself: STOP IT – STOP IT NOW!

STOP IT…STOP THIS S&^T is healing, empowering, encouraging and loving!

LET’S START THIS MANTRA – LET’S START IT TOGETHER!

From fear of being hurt (again) to I’m finally in love and ENGAGED! [ podcast 1 ]

Few months ago, Linda contacted me about her situation in her romantic relationships. She was struggling to get over her xbf and she was afraid of being hurt again in the new relationship she had.

Her biggest desire was to fall in love again and find courage to open her heart.

In this podcast and live coaching session, you’ll hear how Linda was able to breakthrough her struggle and decide to open herself for love again in just few minutes.

By the way, I followed up with Linda few months after this short session and she attested how this short coaching session helped her to really let go of her fears and fall in love with her new partner.
AND, I also learned few days ago that Linda got engaged!!!!!…..I am so happy for her and so grateful that she was open to share her deepest experience with us today. It takes so much courage to do that! (Thank you Linda!)

Back to you: What is keeping you from falling in love again? What must you let go of to create the love life you want?

To participate in this podcast and get a free coaching session with me, please email me at belmer.cynthia@gmail.com. Please note that your privacy is so important to me so your name will be changed for the podcast.

 

Do you have a pessimistic view on relationships? Read this.

I struggled with lack of trust in relationships for so long. I felt as if long lasting love never existed even though I secretly wanted to believe that this was not true. I had the life trap of mistrust and I believed that couples stay together for the sake of kids and not for the sake of love and togetherness.

For so many of us, we romanticize relationships and we get scared when we notice that passion is absent due to stress, career or other challenges in life. Think about this for a second….isn’t this what we had learned ever since we were kids? Media doesn’t give us the reality of things, schools only teach us to behave well and social status and judgment make things harder too.

I romanticized relationships for so long and that wasn’t actually a good thing because it got me stuck with doubt, fear of abandonment, worthiness, failure and fear of being vulnerable. This kind of behavior is normal for women who want to be in control of everything around them. This led me to stay single and even distance myself from my partner if it happened that I was in a relationship. It was easier to connect from the outside than be very emotionally vulnerable and risk being hurt especially during the ups and downs of a relationship.

Many of us have been terrified (possibly since childhoods) by the relationships that surround us; witnessing bad relationships of our idols (e.g parents, relatives) or seeing a good friend being heart broken and divorce rate growing higher every year. These experiences trigger the inner judge to protect us from pain by saying: “I’ll never let that happen to me” or “Long term relationships don’t exist” or “True love will not last forever”.

It’s specifically very hurtful for us if those relationships were the ones of our idols because idols are often secretly perfect in our eyes! So, again…the inner judge says: “If they’re perfect and had such experiences, then how could we have different ones? It’s impossible.”

We therefore work so hard to either adopt fully their beliefs or to push away love and either way we’d be damaging our love life because we’re not able to separate ourselves from these lovely souls. Our anger, disappointment and sadness from our past experiences surface when we’re faced with challenges in our love life; because the little wounded and emotionally abandoned child doesn’t know how to separate himself/herself from the parents’ experiences.

Becoming aware of this pattern is very important because it is the first towards creating new beliefs that will get us to where we want to be in relationships. The second this would be …..forgiveness. Forgiving our idols and teachers for showing us what they’ve learned about love and relationships. This is when it’s time to stop being a victim of their own experiences because honestly we all know that these idols are also human beings, they have their wounds, they have their beliefs and they do mistakes, too.

In reality, they’re just being who they really are in relationships.

The question that I want to invite you to reflect on is: Are you being yourself in your relationship with your partner or are you adopting beliefs from your parents that you’ve been trying to escape ever since you were a kid?

I believe that we face challenges in relationships when we’re ready to discover something new about ourselves. It is scary. It is vulnerable. It is uncomfortable. It may feel like black or white. But, it could also be a rebirth, creating new identity for ourselves, it could be hopeful, powerful, happier and more tender.

I believe that it’s much easier to blame our pain on our past, our parents and everyone around us for what we’ve learned because we carry less responsibility, less pain and we can get away with things.

For example, let’s take someone (calling her Rachel) who is so afraid of opening up in a relationship, she could say something like this: I come from a broken family, my mom and dad are divorced. I don’t know what a normal relationship looks like. It’s hard for me to give all my heart because what if the same thing happens for me?

While it’s true that Rachel experienced trauma in her childhood when her parents divorced, while it’s true that she witnessed her parents fighting all the time (almost everyone in the world has)….she doesn’t have to believe that she will have her parents’ experience. She has a choice to discover who she really without her parents’ influence, re-learn how to receive and give love and change her fate based on new beliefs that will help her get what she wants.

Becoming aware that I was attaching myself and becoming beliefs that I have tried to run away from was very hard for me because at that point, I knew that I had two options: Stick to what I have learned from others about relationships and love even though this may lead to lose what I have or “choose” to discover who I am in relationships and who do I want to be (for real).

Even though the second part seemed a bit scary but it was also telling me that I have the power to really choose who I want to be in love and that’s freedom by itself.

Whether you’re in a rocky relationship right now or you’re single and afraid of being in one ….it is really important to reflect on whether you’re being who you “truthfully” are or you’re being someone who is influenced by other people’s beliefs and living their experiences even though deep down you’re trying to escape them?

If you’re too afraid of being hurt right now, then sit with this feeling…sit with your pain and become so intimate with it instead of constantly escaping it. Things fall apart then fall back into place and that’s part of life and part of the most amazing relationship on earth.

But also remember….You don’t have to have anyone’s experience in relationship.You don’t have to be attached to what people thought you are or you should be.

You can create your own identity. You can create a new belief system and a new life and you’ll know how to handle and perceive the ups and downs of any relationship you have with a fresh new eyes.

If you can’t trust in anything or anyone right now then remember to trust God and let Him lead the way.

 

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