Growing up, we all learned to say “I’m sorry” every time we did something wrong or something that hurt others. This was how we learned the consequence of our words and actions.
Ironically, the practice of apologizing becomes a struggle as we mature because we fear giving up our power or we feel ashamed of what we have done.
I feared saying “I’m sorry” so many times in my life until I realized the harm that comes from the desire of standing my ground versus being at peace with myself.
In my process of learning more about forgiveness, I realized two things:
- Forgiveness is one of God’s (Pure Intelligence) values
- My actions are influencing other people’s actions and therefore the law of cause and effect is happening and creating an effect through every choice I am making today
Accepting and admitting my mistakes brought so many benefits into my life and I would like to share with you the biggest two:
1- It Helped me Decide who I want to be:
Realizing that we have hurt someone gives us the chance to realize that we are human beings who tend to forget that in our essence we are love and we are meant to be that love and share it but not at the expense of hurting others (or hurting ourselves).
We hurt others when are so preoccupied with protecting ourselves rather than seeing how we are contributing to our relationships and to the world in general. Realizing our hurtful actions lead us back home to love. It is also an indication that we are becoming radically honest with ourselves and responsible for our actions.
“Every act, is an act of self-definition” – Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh
How we respond to what people say to us or to any situation is key to experiencing peace. If we respond with aggression, then we will feel the effect of our aggression in our body, heart and people around us will feel it too.
However, every time we point the finger at someone, we are defining ourselves as powerless beings or victims. Every situation comes with a responsibility which means we have a choice about how we are choosing to react (respond) in it.
Power comes in when we choose to respond to the situation in a manner that makes us feel whole rather than right. Deciding who we want to be makes us move from being a victim to being a truly humble conscious being who is aware of the role he/she is playing in the world. It all goes back to who am I? Am I being the light or darkness in this situation?
Every action or lack of action we make influences other people’s lives and actions, therefore what can we truly change about our actions that could make a better influence in the world?
2- I was able to love myself so much more: If we were to truly contemplate the amount of energy that we use to feel that we’re right in situations, we realize how much power we’re giving to an energy that is not nurturing anyone. How could we leave space for more love into our lives when our heart is so cluttered with resentment and negativity?
We think that we can love ourselves regardless how others feel because their feelings are not our responsibility. While this is true on so many levels, we still need to be aware and cautious about separating ourselves from others because at the root we are all one, we share the same feelings, same desire and same needs. Therefore, when we hurt others, we also hurt ourselves.
Self-love is a loving act towards ourselves but not at the expense of others.
Many of us think that in order for us to love ourselves, we must do whatever it takes to save that self from hurt. Our ego mind, will tell us that we’ll lose respect, dignity and ourselves if we ask for forgiveness. We must lose those parts in order to gain our true self fully.
Otherwise, what kind of self-love would we have when we are hurting others on the way? What kind of future will we have when we don’t feel at peace with our current and past self?