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LIFE & LOVE ADVICE

How to deal with loneliness

Loneliness is a dark emotion we all feel yet amidst that darkness, we hope for a light that comes from outside of us and somehow saves us from what we’re going through. We feel separated from the outside world yet we’re desperately wanting love and affection. We somehow believe that we’re very different from one another. We often believe that our emotions are unique to us but this is an illusion because we’re all human beings and we all have the qualities and emotions of the universe within us.

Loneliness comes from the story we tell ourselves about our life, usually that no one accepts us, loves us or no one understands us. That was one of my songs growing up and I talked about it in detail in my book “Meeting Freedom“. Our mind is extremely powerful and loves to be entertained by drama such as the thought of us being lonely, since it may gives us something to look forward to in the future: maybe one day the right partner will show up and saves us from this loneliness or maybe hoping to achieve more gives us hope to strive.

Repeating these stories to ourselves become like a drug to the brain and they often show up when we’re alone or even when we’re having some fun in our life as if we’re not supposed to be happy because we don’t deserve it. This addiction to drama or these stories come the little child within us who had lonely experiences growing up. The little child is stuck in our body and is at that point running our life. If you’re not sure about this, reflect on how you felt in your childhood. Go back to specific experiences that brought the same emotions that you’re feeling right now.

These lonely emotions make it very hard for us to create a grounded life that is based on acceptance and embracing what is. For example, someone who is feeling so lonely may want to push people away because they don’t want them to discover the aloneness that is within them. Or, other people could become clingy and very attached to the first person who shows them attention. Either way, this is just an indication that the adult in us is not stepping up for life and it is only the little child in us that is running the show.

Some of us even feel lonely even when we’re in a relationship and even when we’re around billions of people on the planet. This feeling is understandable when we are disconnected from who we are (our soul) and disconnected from God. The opposite of loneliness is companionship and intimacy. No one and nothing from the outside could help this little lonely child within us when we are rejecting her or him, when we’re rejecting our own company and lacking intimacy within ourselves.

Just like the waves are all connected to each other, we are, too connected to each other. What we see in others is already within us no matter how much we try to deny it or reject it. That’s why “feeling that others are strangers” or “we’re different or unique from everyone else” is harmful to our own being and nothing but a reflection of how much we’re rejecting life itself.

When we stop thinking that everyone is a stranger, including our inner child, we also realize that God is not a stranger either. Think about this for a second, how could a son be a stranger to this father? How could we not be part of our father and mother who co-created us? Don’t we all have the DNA of our parents and ancestors? Then, how could we not be part of God or universe or energy or whatever you want to call it.

When we begin to change our perspective about God, we begin to have a new perception about life and our emotions. Perspective creates perception. When we have a negative perspective about obesity for example, then we are going to be very judgmental every time we see an obese person in front of us. Our perception also creates our experience and therefore, we will be having the experience of someone who is attacking an obese person and therefore we will feel the attack within us, too.

So back to changing our perspective about our relationship with God. I was one of those people who believed that God is outside of me. I still have to nudge myself every now and then about this because I’m still undoing my old beliefs. But one thing I realized, when I experienced God within my heart is that I began to notice the work of God in everyone and in everything. This is pure intimacy with SELF, others and the world that God has created.

When you feel lonely, do you feel that you’re embracing life or rejecting it? Do you feel that your soul is running the show or your ego is? Do you feel that your adult is in charge or it is the inner child that is so lonely and desperate for your attention?

It is crucial to investigate whether our perceptions about life, God, Self and relationships are the manifestation of fear or love. The answer to that is very simple for me: Thoughts that don’t make us feel loved (lonely) are purely ego thought and this is a signal that we are disintegrated from our Soul, from God and from everyone around us. The best loving way, we can work through loneliness or any other emotion is to imagine your little child sitting next to you, ask her/him what do they really need. Listen to them, hold them tight, give them the love they need and let the adult in you take charge. Another way to think about these negative emotions is to see what goodness have they brought to you in your life. Every single emotion was created for a reason and they all have benefits and they have helped us in a way or another. So, reflect on that and see what has this brought you so far.

Today, I want to invite you to stop rejecting your loneliness and welcome it with love and acceptance; because it’s part of your human body (and everyone else’s) and because loneliness has a message to you, just like every emotion does. Your inner child is signaling to you that he/she desires your companionship but this companionship has to come as a conscious loving choice that is from the adult part of you, through you and from you instead of relying on the outside world to fix this for you.

Finally, I want you to know that I’m sending you so much love from wherever you are. Remember that even though you feel alone right now, this feeling is not permanent. You are SO loved and deep down you know this truth.

MEDITATIVE EXERCISE

  • Think about a time in your childhood (or present) when you felt very lonely or separate from others. What meaning did you give this experience? What was the moral of this story? Is this story coming from a place of love or fear? Take some time to write this down with the voice of your inner child.
  • Now, come back to the present time and let your adult or spirit voice speaks to you. What would a loving adult say to a child about their loneliness? What do you still need to explain to your inner child about this experience?
  • What would the new story look like if it was coming from a place of love and from God?
  • Write down a few sentences that replace the old story you have about loneliness with a new loving one that will bring you more love.
What if your depression, negative thoughts or anxiety were gifts?

What if your depression, negative thoughts or anxiety were gifts?

Many of us feel ashamed from feeling depressed and anxious because we’re afraid that there’s something wrong with us since we are not “normal” like everyone else. We think that having negative emotions is a sign of weakness because society tells us we must put on the perfection face at all times or else, we…Continue Reading

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