Standing up for ourselves is not easy especially when we’re used to forcing our inner voice to stay quiet. We use self-pity as a justification to escape the darkness of loneliness, hurt and rejection.
For so long, I was afraid of being hurt and rejected. I did everything possible to polish myself so that others would love me, so that I would fit in. I was terrified of loneliness. I was terrified of rejection. I didn’t know what else to do besides pleasing others yet deep inside, my heart was screaming. I spoke my truth only when I was around people I was comfortable with but I lacked confidence to stand up for myself when it was necessary. I thought silence would save me from hurting others and from ending up alone. Though, this behavior only led me to reject myself and to remain in a lonely place.
Let me share with you this story: Writing my book “Meeting Freedom” (which will be released in 2014) healed me, changed me and opened me up. I was afraid of showing this change to people I’ve known all my life. I was afraid of success and of showing how proud I am for such a big accomplishment until one day I realized how much I was hurting myself and I took one of the biggest decisions in my life:
I’ll abandon self-pity instead of abandoning myself. I’ll mind my own business instead of wanting others to be in a certain way. I’ll be proud of who I am and stand up for myself, for my heart and for my truth – ALWAYS.
If you feel you’re going through the self-pity funk, then I recommend that you’d state a situation you’re currently struggling with and then ask yourself the following questions:
- How do you wish things to be different?
- What’s missing from your life?
- What’s already happening in your life?
- How can you embrace what’s already happening, instead of wishing for things to be different?
- Are you minding your own business? Byron Katie said in her book “Loving what is”: “I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.” When we say : You should do this to make me feel appreciated or My father should understand me. This will cause more stress, separation, arrogance, anxiety and loneliness because we’re involved in other people’s businesses instead of focusing on ours.
- What are you grateful for? Gratefulness is the opposite of self-pity. List at least 50 things.
- What are the attributes that make you a rich person? How can you gain them? Your list could be something like this: stand up for myself, trust my judgment, trust my decisions, have faith in myself, allow myself to shine, speak my mind etc.
- How can you stand up for yourself? Using the list above, identify which attribute triggered the lack you’re currently experiencing. (If you’re struggling with a person and you’re afraid of his or her reaction then take some time to calm yourself and then have a heart to heart conversation with them).
- What else can you do to snap out of the self-pity addiction? Make a decision that you won’t tolerate this victim mentality anymore and take immediate action on it. For example, wear a wristband and snap it every time you catch yourself thinking poorly about yourself and replace the should(s) and the negative thoughts with positive ones.
- How can you flush out these negative emotions? You could use yoga, meditation, jogging, dancing etc.
Remember that you’re a shining star no matter what anyone else says or thinks of you. That’s why you exist here on earth, to let your power help others.
What about you? How did you overcome the self-pity attitude? What actions are you going to take to make your true self-shine?