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The harsh voice of the ego (when things fall apart)

“We cannot be safe from truth but only in truth. Reality is the only safety.” – Course in Miracles.

We have hard time understanding what’s going on in our lives when things seem to be falling apart. We feel as if life has been stolen from us. Everything seems confusing. We feel this severe pain in our heart, in our body, in our head as if something much stronger than us is opening us up. We don’t understand that power but we know that it cannot be avoided. Surrendering seems so hard to do yet it seems to be our only option at this time. Yet, we choose resistance instead of surrender.

Somehow, we lose our understanding of our identity. Who the F. am I without this job, relationship, parent, kid, society? Why am I going through this? We may be asking ourselves. Living a normal life seems distant from us. Our mind (ego) takes control and it definitely knows how to drive us crazy. We even feel that part of us is gone and it will never come back. We drop into darkness…We experience death….everything around us seems confusing and the question that we keep asking ourselves is: why? Then we get stuck because this question illustrates a lot of resistance and resistance brings pain, fear, hurt, aloneness, disconnection and separation from love and God.

We feel alone and even martyrs as if God wants to punish us. But does our God punish or love? Is he doing this to us or we have done this to ourselves?

Resistance is a very painful place to be in. It is even more painful than the change itself because we’re experiencing a real war happening within us. That war has different voices and these voices are so loud to an extent that they may make us blind or deaf from the truth that is within us or around us.


The voice of the ego is in charge and it feels as if there is no escape for what is going on. We’re stuck no matter how much we try distracting ourselves with things around (painting, working more, watching movies and so on) yet the pain always comes back because we’re still resisting. We’re resisting seeing our true power.

Why are we resisting? Because, somehow we believe that we’re losing something and by losing this “thing” we’re also losing our power, we’re losing part of ourselves and sometimes our entire identity. Yet this is all a trick from the ego because he’s very comfortable where he is. It’s like he’s telling us: “Hey, who do you think you are to survive without me?”  He wants to keep us small and blind. But, the question is, who are we not to not survive without him?

This voice of the ego is so powerful that it still feels as if there’s nothing to hold on to anymore. It’s like a deep power struggle between Life and Death. I call it death, because it is true that we’re losing something and that something is called “part of the identity and beliefs” that we’ve learned about ourselves since we were kids.

We’re going through loss and with every loss there’s a new birth.

That new birth is life, it is love, it is whatever we want to make it. It is scary because that kind of birth creates shifts in a way that we have never experienced before. We know, on a spiritual level, that part of the identity we’re losing will never come back. So, we mourn. We mourn this loss, we mourn our anger, we mourn being a victim and we mourn being alone.

Yet, the moment we begin to surrender to this mourning, we begin to see a very dim light. We begin to realize that things may not seem as bad as the dark images that our ego projected. We notice stillness even when the storm is still strong. There’s peace even during war. And that my friends, I believe it to be the beginning of acceptance.

Even though we may choose to keep our fingers wrapped around our eyes because this light is scary and we’re still scared to see the truth because we’re awakening to something more beautiful and this kind of joy is foreign to so many of us humans; it’s much easier to resist this change instead of going through it. Resistance is even entertaining to the mind, it keeps us attached to the past and somehow, we feel that we’re holding on to something we know even though in reality we feel that there’s nothing to hold on to.

Somehow, the voice of the ego, the voice of self-pity tries to delay the process of growth but the that little stillness that we experience within us tells us that reality will set us free. The moment we realize that “there must be something more or something else beside this pain”, we invite the birth of a new light to come through. We slowly begin to cultivate this deep knowing that the storm will pass and we’ll be okay. We’re actually okay, right now, in this moment even during this unbearable storm and that my friends is the voice of “Love”.

The birth of this light may be something we have never experienced before. It is calm, it is neutral, it is welcoming and loving. This birth is called surrender to a power that is higher than us. Surrender does not mean giving up. It means letting things unfold as they’re supposed to unfold without manipulation or control. It also means being patient with ourselves and taking life one tiny step at a time. Either way, when we’re going through such a big storm, we won’t have the strength to jump so fast because the “ego” (dark side) will always try to win the battle until it knows that it cannot win anymore. But, God never leaves us. He’s always there watching over us and waiting for us to come back home. All we have to do is pray.

If you’re having hard time accepting what is going on in your life, I want to invite you to consider loosening your grip on this resistance for one minute only. Close your eyes, and imagine what would your life be like if you surrender to love and to God. What is it that you’re going to gain from this? When things unfold for you in this little vision, you’ll be able to start seeing the tiny little light coming closer towards you. I want to invite you to trust and return to that light every time the loud voice of the ego shows up again.

Be gentle with yourself. Be patient. Cultivate trust. The storm will pass. You are strong. You are love. You are holy just as you are. Take it one breath at a time. Welcome the birth of a new you.

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